I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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