I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
