You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
