I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
