I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Come share oat with me in your robe
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
