you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
