Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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