Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
