I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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