I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
