Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
