I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
