I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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