I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
