getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dick very happy bro
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
