Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
