just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
