you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think people are normalizing furries
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
