You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
