take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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