proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You pole danced in your parka.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
