i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
