is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
