I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
