Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
