i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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