hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
