My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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