I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
