my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
