Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
