i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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