i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
