Tell her she can't have a vagina
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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