That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
