We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
