I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Apparently you make a good broom.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
