Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
