Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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