He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
