Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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