I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
