Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
