if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
