You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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