I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
