a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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