the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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