OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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