I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
