dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
