both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
