like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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