She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize