If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
