dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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