next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
