I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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