The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
whose parrot is this?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
