im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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