you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
