The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
