who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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