and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
