What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
