you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize