I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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