whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
