I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
